During the Republican Convention, I watched the screen as Roberta McCain, the bright and articulate ninety six year old mother of the Republican Presidential Candidate spoke of her son with an enormous smile across her face. The message was: Johnny was always special.
As a therapist who has studied many favorite sons and daughters, it’s clear to me that John McCain possesses so many of the traits of a child who grew up as his mother’s favorite and without a father actively engaged in his life to counter balance this special status. He follows in the path of George Bush and Bill Clinton., and other powerful leaders who think it OK to spin the truth – as Clinton did during the Monica Lewinsky scandal; and to push boundaries – as Bush did in condoning illegal activities occurring during his administration. Favorite children learn how to evade accountability for their questionable behaviors.
John McCain, named after two four star admirals, his father and grandfather, followed in the footsteps of these great men, just as a favorite is expected to do. However, as he went along with the drill, he also found his own way to push the boundaries—as many favorites do—getting away with behaviors that siblings may not have been able to, and learning the dangerous lesson that they can bend the rules and even alter the truth.
John McCain graduated at the bottom of his class at the naval academy getting into all kinds of trouble. At the Academy he learned there are consequences for not following the rules, and acknowledges that his demerits were off the charts. After graduation, he became a pilot who flew fast planes and lived life on the fast track. Again he pushed limits to the extreme.
During his acceptance speech at the convention, McCain talked about having been a prisoner of war. It was that dramatic experience that taught him to take responsibility more seriously, to behave with more integrity.
Growing up as the anointed child, John McCain, learned about power and leadership. He also learned about pushing boundaries and getting away with unacceptable behaviors. His training at the naval academy held him accountable for breaking the rules but the lessons did not solidify until after he had been a prisoner of war. As a possible president of the United States, we have to hope that he learned well the lesson of moral leadership and will not succumb to the pitfalls of having grown up a favorite child.
You really think he has learned any lessons at all about moral leadership? He’s reckless and he’s mean. His choice of Sarah Palin is political opportunism and certainly doesn’t signal any integrity or leadership. In fact, it signals that he thinks he will live indefinitely, otherwise the notion of putting this unqualified, gun-toting fundamentalist hack a heartbeat away from the Oval Office can surely not be considered a sign of responsibility or integrity. He’s not thinking of the country. Johnny is still special and he’s having a special adventure.
Elly,
I am afraid that McCain has already succumbed…and has veered way off of his earlier positions because it is politically advantageous for him to do so to garner the support of the extreme right wing. It seems to me that his integrity is already compromised as he rearranges his beliefs and values based on his present need..I hope he is held accountable…
Ellen
Hi Elly,
Maybe that’s why I can’t stand the Mc Cain/Palin ticket (you might take a closer look at Palin, she might be a favorite too). As you know, I’m a favorite child who figured it out after many hurtful mistakes and intentional actions. I can smell favorite children a mile away and when I do I run the other direction.
Our country can’t afford another favorite child in the White House. The fact that John McCain was a prisoner of war absolutely earns my utmost respect for the man. However, that was over 30 years ago and he is running on a platform of change. You can’t be an agent of change and work to take us back to the pre Roe v. Wade days, the era of a Cold War, and a Mc Carthy like witch hunt in the name of avoiding terrorist attacks. Mc Cain is more of the same and will never be elected president if I have any say in the matter.
I think the fact that Barack Obama chose to become a community organizer after attending Ivy League schools speaks volumes about who puts their country first.
If the McCain’s really put country first, they might’ve considered donating a portion of the wealth Cindy (another favorite child) sported the night her husband accepted the Republican nomination. It’s been reported that she wore over half a million dollars worth of jewels and clothing that one night. Even if she wore $50 k worth, that’s way over the top and still try to position yourself as “getting it” when it comes to people in the middle and working class.
The work you’re doing is wonderful and this posting is very well said.
Best wishes for your continued happiness and success!
Chayah
I suppose the attitude of the anointed child is one of an entitlement to whatever they want, even if they have to shade the truth to achieve it. I don’t know how these people sleep at night, even though we know they do.
As for moral leadership, truly you jest with that ticket? I fear for this country if they are elected. By the way, is Palin an anointed child?
Carol
Great post, Elly, yet another reason (or substantiation) for avoiding this pernicious ticket. Thanks for thinking this through for us. I think these thoughts should get wider circulation.
Best,
Barry
I read with interest you latest posting. It’s fascinating to consider major public figures like McCain in light of family dynamics, in this case favoritism. When one thinks about McCain and attachment, whether the attachment and the effects of favoritism are viewed as healthy or unhealthy, it seems to me that depends on ones party affiliation.
Elly,
As a psychotherapist of 30yrs and spouse of a Vietnam era Naval Academy graduate, I was glad to see your reference to McCain’s class placement. Over the months prior to Palin’s selection, I watched with astonishment as Sen. Joe Lieberman would stand hip to hip with McCain, and supply John the information, orientation, and accurate data he so often lacked. Once McCain chose Palin, Lieberman faded to the background and an even more transparent McCain emerged to reveal his great desperation and ruthlessness as he attmepts to finally become the “Admiral” he was pre ordained to become.
Wonderful article. I so appreciate how you include members of both parties in your articles. Your article include facets that I was not aware of about John McCain and clearly highlights the role of the favorite child- the costs of being “selected”.
It will certainly be a credit to the voters if we keep in mind what you report as we head to the polls.