Today, Laura Bennett, star of Project Runaway, wrote about favorite children in her column for The Daily Beast (thedaily beast.com/blogs-and-stories/2008-12-09/the-dirty-little-secret-of-motherhood) Bennett believes all mothers have favorite kids, and kids know it whether mothers admit it or not. Laura, I couldn’t agree with you more.
There are no secrets in families, especially regarding who’s the favorite. Everyone knows the truth. Bennett talks about “The List,” her kids acknowledging that their behaviors can earn them the position of favorite. Kids in other families joke about who’s the favorite.
Favoritism is not bad. Response to it can be bad, such as pretending that favoritism doesn’t exist, not being honest about who’s the favorite, or pressuring people to not talk honestly about it. Being honest and communicating is essentail to the welfare of the entire family.
In addition to honesty and communication, fluidness of special child status helps to insure that favoritism is a blessing. Parents probably prefer one age to another: smiling infants are more appealing than combative adolescents. Parents preferring art to sports probably favor children interested in museuming over children preferring playing outdoor sports on cold, wind days.
What matters is that all kids have their turn at being the favorite, that family interactions not be rigid with all but one child closed out of the special relationship. Favoritism that is fluid, when all kids have their fair share of the special treatment, helps to insure healthy kids and healthy families.
