I love my work. I have been a practicing psychotherapist for 30 years. I can not imagine ever retiring. After completing my Ph.D. at University of Maryland, my supervisor subleased office space to me in Washington, DC. That formed the nexus of my professional community. Now, my practice is rich with group work – couples and individuals, individual psychotherapy, supervision. I work with people who are among the most powerful in the country. As children, they were favorites but as adults, they stuggle with relationships. In spite of their self-assuredness, most are lonely; many struggle with drinking and promiscuity; they are masters of spin..often not knowing what is true.
Cutting edge thinking generates my energy. As I researched psychological dynamics of favorite children, I found nothing useful, just a few articles about abusive relationships between siblings where one was favorite and one was not. I thought about the topic, reading literature with favorite child dynamics in mind, challenging colleagues for their thoughts and associations. Being a favorite child is complicated business for the child, the parents, the family.
Concurrent with the evolution of my thinking, media reports of distortions by public officials reached untold proportions. As I read more biographies of many of these people, I learned that many of them were favorite children!!! They grew up believing that they could have what they wanted…Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Antonio Gonzales.
My cutting edge … to integrate what I have learned on this topic and to offer my knowledge in a book. Parents have so much to learn; if all children in a family believe they are the favorite, we’d have a nation of confident, successful people. We’d have public officials with better scruples; and as an electorate, we would know questions to ask candidates that would provide more information about their morals.
I love reading what Dr. Libby writes; her language is positive and constructive, yet she is deeply knowledgable. She has a way of comforting her readers; she’s got to be an outstanding therapist.
I was not the favorite child; I am a middle child with an older brother who had many conflicts with my dad, and a younger sister who was very emotional. I was the easy child looking back; but my grandmother always talked about the first born, and most attention was on my sister, who was always in turmoil. So I came out feeling loved and given the opportunity to be my own person, since I was pretty reasonable. I’m not sure how one would characterize our family dynamics, but everyone says “how can three such different people come from the same two parents”. YOu would need a book devoted to our family if you got into it, so no need to figure it out, I just wanted to sign in and let you know I love what you are doing.
Hi, after writing to you the other day, and thinking about our family, I would say my sister, as the baby of the three, was the chosen one; and she has had the toughest time, feeling entitled, poor relationships, etc. So, there’s more data for your work. Thanks.
So the ideal community is a Lake Woebegon, where all the children are above average? Interestingly enough,. studies of the children who attended A.S. Neill’s famous Summerhill School, where so much attention was paid to each child’s individual needs and learning style, and it could be said that everyone was a favorite, were really surprising. Once they grew up, they were very contented plumbers, bus drivers, ordinary working people, devoted parents, really very happy people, as a group. None of them had any drive whatsoever to excel, to be a maverick in a field, or to make any kind of huge mark on the world.
I have been thinking about this subject since I read your blog a couple of weeks ago, and I really look forward to seeing what comes next here.
Hi-
Just ordered your book-it will be here tomorrow- I’m so excited that I’ll be able to start reading it tomorrow evening.